Sunday, May 29, 2011

Not Good Enough

John Marine | 5/29/2011 10:18:00 PM | | |
Ever get the feeling that you're good enough to succeed in almost anything, but consistently fall short of greatness (or what you perceive to be great)? Well, many things in my life have been about shortcomings. Almost like I'd be good enough to get traffic from around the world to my blog(s), but not enough to get more followers and Facebook fans. My YouTube has been no different. I would do just enough to get a few views and subscribers, but never enough to be any established figure. Some people just are bridesmaids; never brides. If you are not familiar with that expression, it basically means you are watching other people being successful while knowing that you can be just as happy and successful as those you know or see. So this blog post is about being good... but not good enough. Maybe I can even help you to be better than you can be.

--- Not Good Enough... ---
This here is a semi-rant followed by some motivation. Some of you may have read my blog post about my thoughts concerning Justin Bieber being upset by Esperanza Spalding for "Artist of the Year" at the 2011 Grammy Awards. What does this moment have to do with my online work? Well, Justin Bieber, upon losing "Artist of the Year" honors, said that he wanted to use this experience to try to make himself better for the future. What goes through one's mind in a situation like this is that you have to find ways to be better than you were before in becoming more of a viable entity in your field of study. How do you make yourself better? It depends.

We are a society of superlatives, so being 2nd best in anything is what we want to avoid. Good competition often plays a role in realizing our full potential. However, it just becomes tough trying to reach heights we can only dream of and that we can actually reach if given the right chances and tools. Thing is... some people probably just have poor luck or never get to be as great as they can ever be. That's purely sad to have to settle for less than what we are really worth and what we are really capable of. Just thinking about these things brings me to tears and makes me realize I could be in a much better place than where I am now. So many times, I've been so disregarded and have to settle for less than what I am really capable of. It is like having a great sports team with lots of history, but not much to show in the way of championships and glory.

Are you often the bridesmaid and never the bride? Are you good... but not good enough? This is what I am going to discuss in this blog post from a number of perspectives.

--- Intimate Thoughts on Being Second Best ---
I guess often times, I am in that category. You know- that category of always being the bridesmaid and never the bride. Seems like no matter how hard I try at whatever I do, I have always been second best. I see others go to levels better than I ever have. There aren't enough people whom have believed in me so much to where I am capable of more. Then too, I have to perform in clutch times when given that golden opportunity.

It may sound like I'm whining, but it's the truth. A lot of things I've worked towards has me being basically pushed aside or not reaching any sort of levels that makes me even 0.01% relevant. You remember when I talked about my video that got 4,000 views in two days? That video wasn't even among the top viewed videos when there were a few others that got 4,000 views. I wanted to track the success of my material and what happens? I don't even get a notification of having a vastly-watched video. Sometimes, I feel like I am not as popular as I COULD be just because I don't have some kind of high-voltage personality. I stay away from music because I don't want anything distracting in trying to prove a point. I want the point of videos to be about content rather than just a song or something. So because of this, I try to have as few props as possible. Even people who sit in front of a camcorder or video camera get more views than I do. And what are most of my videos like? Sitting in front of a webcam or video camera. Again- I try to go on content rather than impressive video quality or shenanigans. Maybe that's why other people get so much more attention and love than I do.

Not Good Enough... Blogging.

And what about blogging? I've just been miffed that I don't get as many followers and supporters to match the many hits I get to (especially) "John's Blog Space." I also get miffed that I don't get as many comments. Either I'm not doing enough to promote myself, or others aren't doing enough to support work they love. Some of the comments I have gotten previously were non-genuine ones from people who just find my blog as part of a spam search. When you post a comment that is relevant to the topic but then post a link to a certain suspicious website, I have since disallowed certain comments. I used to allow them because I didn't know how to react to such comments. Let me put it this way- post genuine comments related to the material. I want comments, not GENERATED comments. Stuff like "thanks for sharing" or spammy/generated material is doing absolutely nothing to show that I have a legitimate audience that actually matches the popularity of my blog. I want genuine people to post, not spammers who browse the Internet placing suspicious comments to websites and blogs.

I think the fact that I've stayed away from niche blog material has helped me to be more diverse. Maybe the reason why I can't join a blog community is because certain blogs have to be all about a certain topic. My blog was even declined by Technorati as I was looking for any sort of blog community to join. And it's not even like this is some commercial blog. The main assumption is that a blog about all kinds of topics usually is a hot mess and not good enough to really gauge what it is about. If you are someone who can't decide what category "John's Blog Space" is about, let me make it simple for you- this is a PERSONAL blog. The reason why I don't specialize in one specific topic is for two reasons. The first reason is because if I post a blog entry on a certain topic, I am expected that future blog posts will regard the same topic or a related topic. The other reason? I want to surprise people a bit. I may talk about some of my favorite cars... then post a blog post about a completely different subject. Sometimes even, a completely different topic you never saw coming. I make sure to explain everything professionally. Some make random posts expecting people to visit and care. If I post a blog post on something, I need to make sure I express my points properly whether it takes five minutes or a couple of days to complete. You came here because something caught your interest when you did a search online. The least I can do is make your search worth your time by expressing myself in a way you'll enjoy.

To many people, I'm still just good enough for only so much. People come and go. I do applaud those who visit any links I post in my material. It shows that people actually read my material and want to enhance their reading experience based on material posted in my blog. That makes me happy like you won't believe.

Not Good Enough... Videos.

People... I guess I'm just upset about a lot of things. I should be happy that I am positively contributing to society by posting these blog entries and videos, but I am mostly upset that not as many people have given this blog (or my others) a chance. This is my personal blog. I don't try to push this thing to be a professional blog, but I do act professionally and professionally try to showcase my work to the whole of the Internet. Okay, maybe to a certain 10% to 15% of YouTube people think I'm too ugly or too "retarded" for YouTube. However, those who actually have given "JohnMarineTube" a chance actually have praised me for speaking my mind in a professional manner without having a high-voltage personality. What sets me back is just that for all I do, it's only good for second best. Sometimes, I'm not even in the "best" category. I'm just more, maybe middle-of-the-road or mediocre.

I could probably do more game videos, but I feel I have to be near perfect or groundbreaking in my work to be of any real attention. Then again, I feel I have to be perfect in everything that I do in videos to feel respected. Nothing is ever perfect, but the public makes it seem like you HAVE to be at the absolute best if you are going to post anything online. I just hate game videos of intentionally failing and not even trying in games. I can't do any personal and emotional videos without feeling like I'm making a jackass out of myself. Like being real and honest doesn't equal great videos.

I had planned on making a blog post about why I haven't been as active and confident in making videos and being on YouTube lately. So consider this paragraph as a tell-all for "JohnMarineTube" fans of mine. Among many reasons, I have just been thinking about what all I have tried to bring to YouTube with my personality and my views and don't think I'm really of any good to be of any elite status. There have been some videos I've seen that I thought I could have done that may get me noticed more. I just feel undervalued as an old-fashioned person. I would think that certain old-fashioned people would be better respected than most viral video people. I have felt my value has been diminished. Only those who have appreciated my work for what it is have earned me friend requests and all-important subscribers. I felt like I was on the rise as I reached 100 subscribers. Even more so as I reached 250 subscribers not too long after. Since? It has been at least a year since surpassing my 250 subscriber goal and announcing my 500 subscriber goal. I still have not reached that 500+ subscriber goal even more than a year later. I am not a person of promises or guarantees, but I'm still awaiting making that video when I reach that 500 subscriber mark. Also, certain personal issues and intimate thoughts have brought down my psyche and morale in making videos and continually making videos. All of these reasons are just a number of major reasons why I can't continually provide great video content to all of you.

Or maybe... YouTube is becoming too commercial to where casual videos from casual YouTubers don't bear as much value anymore as anything television-worthy or movie-worthy. Almost like you need your own production crew, booking agent, and stuff like that to be relevant on YouTube.

Not Good Enough... Online Media in General.

I see myself as, and work towards much more than being mediocre. I make just about all of my own content from blog posts to videos to artwork... yet, all I can get from public reaction is second best. Always the bridesmaid and not the bride. Not good enough. I try to market my material across social media. I have a Facebook fan page I've set up. Twitter has been useful in promoting my material. Yet still... I get only so much support from people who actually bothered about my work. I've been through so much in life that I've stopped caring about certain things after a while. Here I am trying to push myself as far as I can, and the most I can get is only so much support from certain people. I am either not doing enough, or not a lot of people have actually supported my work. If you think I'm hating on everyone, I am not. I am just sad that I wish I could have had more support from more people who enjoy my work. This is just depressing knowing that so few people have actually cared about your material when many more could be enjoying your material.

I feel I can get more Facebook fans, Twitter followers, and YouTube subscribers than what I have at present on all services. I have things like wibiya and such to allow for such material to be accessed. Trouble is, few have actually used and utilized my material. Is it that I am not doing enough? Are others just coming and going with no feedback or support? I'm just unsure in a lot of respects what to think.

--- Do Some People Just Have Poor Luck? ---
Maybe some people are just unable to get many big breaks. Then again, I've gotten one of my biggest breaks as a blogger when my friends on linked to my blog post regarding my first impressions of the Gran Turismo 5 kiosk demo. Since then? Not much else except for maybe my two blog posts on Charice Pempengco and Sarah Geronimo.

To my sadness, perhaps I just can't get much attention from others on my work. Some people just don't seem to get as much attention from the general public. Maybe there aren't as many people who are fortunate enough to have someone generous to give others a chance. Almost as if everyone has an equal chance at becoming superstars, but only so few are actually treated generously to where they can become superstars.

--- Staying Focused When Perceived as Second Best ---
If nobody believes in you being the best at anything, you always just think, "why bother?" None of what you seem to do seems to matter to anyone no matter how hard you work to make your work relevant. How does one stay focused, then? My response is to just keep doing what you're doing even if it isn't something that most discriminating people even give the time of day. If you think your work still means a lot to people, just remember that these people who love your work the most still care about your material. At least you have a believable audience who cares about your work. If others don't want to give your material any support,

This is also why I treat and regard people with kindness. Because there are people who don't want to regard or treat someone like they are special, I feel it is my responsibility to make people feel respected and humbled when many others have failed/disregarded giving people a chance. I hate for people to feel like they can never aspire to great heights. I've seen other people reach levels I have never been able to reach in any field of study I devote my energy to.

I'll stop right here with a Jump Break. Read More (or disregard this section if you're reading the full post) to find out about certain stats involving my online work to express being second best.

--- Not Good Enough: Statistics of Mine ---
This area features a more insightful look at me not being as good as I could be. Have a look...

Not Good Enough: My Blogging Insight.

Let me provide some blogging insight to stretch these points a bit further. Blogger/Blogspot rolled out its statistics for blogs back in June 2010. My blog was mostly on the rise as I would get 3,000 views rather easily. I would continually and consistently get 3,000+ views for my blog (even on weekends). Since December 2010, my monthly blog views have declined. December 2010 was my first month where I had lower views than the previous month. I had 113,641 views in November 2010, which remains my single-month record number of views. Since then- 99,432 (Dec. 2010), 89,706 (Jan. 2011), and 74,789 (Feb. 2011)... until I got my first positive number of views in March 2011 with 76,819 views. The following month saw my blog get 77,146 views total.

What has made me upset (and concerned) was that my blog was losing visitors and its magic apart from the torrid pace I was enjoying blogging. I didn't know how else I could improve this personal blog about anything and everything, so that's why I felt upset that my blog was going in the wrong direction in trying to maintain a solid pace. You begin to feel bad when your best efforts do not result in your best reactions. In other words, it is like making a song that many people love... but with only so few fans who actually do love your song.

I am someone who believes that anybody will follow anything. Put something out into any environment, and people may eventually come around to it. It's the classic "if you build it, they will come" concept. The curiosity of others will make other people interested in someone's work. It is then up to that person to accept what they've read/seen/tasted/experienced. If your work was accepted by the person in question, you won his/her respect. But when many people see your material and love it, but don't really show their support; you begin to feel bad because you know you could have won over many more people than what people actually accepted your work.

Not too long ago, I edited a lot of the comments people have posted in my blog. I realize that a number of people put up non-genuine comments (in other words, spam/suspicious comments). This was before and even after changing my comment system. I've started to crack down on suspicious comments and delete any comments that seem generated to my blog. Getting comments is always great. However, when the majority of people post things like "thanks for sharing" or something like that, it's a slap to the face because you know you could get more human traffic instead of people who make spam searches to post suspicious comments. I get upset about this. I mean, I do get loyal readers who read my content, but I know I can do a lot better. If other blogs can get/average at least 5, 10, even 20+ comments per blog post; I know I can do a lot more to get myself more involvement from my readers. I always tell people to get involved with my content. Don't just visit and leave! Share my content with others and post some comments if you find my work enjoyable. Look at it like this- I make an effort to post comments on blog posts I read if I have something to discuss with others. Not as many people comment on my own material. And it isn't like I post extremely often to where not everyone can keep up. I do post a lot of my own personal comments on topics.

Despite all of my efforts... I only get so much attention. In no way am I an ego-maniac or extremely conceited, but I think I could get a lot more fans and support from others than what I really have. I should really think that I've gotten more attention with my own blog than a few others. I expressed my blogging concerns on Facebook, and one of my Facebook friends was pleased that I was able to get 3,000 daily blog hits to my blog. Sometimes, I just feel like I had the sort of status to match my material. I always think realistically about how I feel about my published content as opposed to how others have perceived my work.

If there's one thing I can probably change, I can make myself more of a "Public Figure" to hopefully draw the attention of other people. I quoted Public Figure because that is the only status that describes me the closest on Facebook, and I don't consider myself a public figure except for the fact that I post material for the Internet. Only those who know and love my work appreciate me as some sort of celebrated figure.

Not Good Enough: My Video Insight.

When I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life, an avenue I considered was YouTube. I needed to have something to do with my life and provide something to society. So I chose YouTube. Despite my low-key videos where I tried to market my material on content rather than on high-voltage personality (and because I consider myself professional), I have earned only so many views for videos. Many YouTube people have greatly been so supportive of my work. Of course, I am most thankful for my devoted fans.

I've given up trying to be a great low-key YouTube channel. Because of some personal problems and perceptions others give about me, I get the feeling that I am never going to succeed ever again on YouTube. YouTube can really bring out the best in people... and obviously the unfathomably worst. People have said things about me that very few people have EVER said about me in person. I am even thankful to have the number of subscribers I have.

Here is a big example of not being good enough. When I made my video about KanYe West dissing Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, my video got over 4,000 views in just two days. That video earned me the attention of YouTube and Google to sign up for Google Adsense to profit from my video. You know what the sad thing about this was? My video got over 4,000 views, and it took me almost ten months since releasing the video to get to 5,000+ views for that video!. I then disallowed comments for that video because I was getting sick of people posting bad comments about me and my voice.

Almost like I'm too undesirable for YouTube success. Yet, there are YouTube channels that I can't even bring myself to subscribe to, let alone see their videos, that are much more successful and much more viewed. Always thought of YouTube as a thoroughfare for expressing yourself through the means of video. For most people, though, it has become a bit too commercial to where the casual video blogger (or vlogger) is a dying breed in regards to what a successful channel is all about. I am not ashamed that I am my own production crew, booking agent, and director

On another note, I try to do everything cheaply. I'm not going to spend money to get support from the viewing public that I could get for free. I don't promote my YouTube videos with ads. I don't do ad campaigns just to draw more attention. I'm more like... I'm right here waiting for you to come along. Take the bait.

Even if you think I have (pardon my language) "wack-ass" content (which is fine to think), at least there are people who actually care about my content. I don't make anything to hurt anyone, even if unintentionally. I have too much class and respect for myself to try to make anything to demean anyone or anything. A lot of my life has been about being either second best or not good enough to even be heralded. In a surreal way, you can say that I am driven by disappointment. With disappointment, I try to make other people feel happy about themselves when they experience similar woes. I don't want others to have to suffer what I may have suffered in my past. I wish I could right the wrongs of the entire world, but I am capable of only so much. Most other things are out of my control and my abilities anyway.

If you don't think you're good enough, just keep going and keep on keeping on. Persistence pays off. Determination pays off. Your just rewards will come your way one day. Thank you for reading and God bless all of you.

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John B. Marine said...

Your blog is obviously good enough, you seem to get a lot of hits. :)  I love that you post about a lot of different topics too, it makes your blog fun and interesting.  I guess some people just don't like to comment or interact, just read the content and go...

John B. Marine said...

Don't push yourself too hard.
Every blogger and videomaker is struggling with watchers.
There even emerges competing and other stuff, that gets people pushing harder than they should.
But I understand.
I sometimes think "Are these writings going to the trash before they even get to anybodys eyes?"
If you take it easy and do your stuff in your own way, especially for yourself,
the fame might come by itself. And the joy for writing will increase.
You could already get a book with gathering all the posts here together.
I wish you'll reach your dreams!

John B. Marine said...

Gabriella is so true!Many people just read the blog and leave, very few leave a comment or interract. Your blog posts are very interestingand  well writen. It s a pleasure reading them!Have a nice day!:) 

John B. Marine said...

John, an interesting article; this stuff just pisses me off too.

If I may say so (and obviously don't mean to be an ass), my whole life was paved with failures...the only thing I really did "well" over the years was make good grades in school & college (4.4 & 3.9 GPA respectively).  Everything else just sucked.  Spent a lot of time on message boards pissing everyone off, acting like a nervous wreck, working my ass off on things that atrributed to NOTHING in the long run, etc.

And about not being good enough, well there's an amazing feat.  I think I've played video games, particularly racing, FPS, and Rock Band.  I play and play and play but I never seem to "improve" at all no matter how much I play.  Games like Call of Duty which I play on a regular basis for the last couple of years become a total embarassment as I struggle to remain consistent.  Like I'm one of "those guys" that serves to make others looks better.

Overall, not being good doesn't bother me that much, but those who are good get to have truly fun & unique life experiences.  They get to go to the parties and conventions and everyone wants to shake their hand.  On the other hand, I haven't really had any good friends ever as I spend almost all of my free time home alone.  I know jealousy is a bad thing, but when you work so often in vain, it just grows on you like bamboo shoot torture.

But look, I really do admire you, John, for talking about "failures" cause in this day and age, it takes guts.  I've learned by touching the stove that if you go onto these message boards and even remotely say "woe is me," you get hung & quartered.  And yes it's true that there will be a few "elites" who don't like any signs of weakness, but the sad fact is people don't come on the Internet to hear sob stories.  So I can't talk to my parents about being sad (they have more than enough on their plate), I have no friends, and the Internet's off-limits so I usually have to shove it (I try to keep bad stories off my blog, Musings of a Sega Racing Fan, it's patetic).

With that being said, I look around at all these random Blogspots and there's not that many comments anywhere.  I think most people suffer from an inferiority complex, some much more than others.  Just say this: You're never alone when you think you suck.  Everyone's good at something but it's really about what "value" society puts on certain things.  And don't stop doing what makes you happy.  And just like the Queen song, find "somebody to love" who at least understands you're a flawed human being and doesn't treat you like garbage or a pawn in chess.

Easier said than done of course.  Just got done playing some Call of Duty games in which I did mediocre so I'm not too happy right now.  Everyone has their own battles to fight, everyone tries.  You've done a good job with the blog so far, you're not doing anything "wrong" so don't beat yourself up over that.

"If a man has done his best, what else is there?"
- George S. Patton

John B. Marine said...

Dude, thanks. You're awesome.

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