Sunday, December 4, 2011

Unrequited Love

John Marine | 12/04/2011 01:57:00 AM | | | |
(UPDATED: May 13, 2013)

You love someone, but that person doesn't love you back. This is the concept of unrequited love. Or if "unrequited" is hard to remember, simply call it one-sided love. Unrequited love could lead to one trying harder to win the heart of someone whom he/she really loves despite the other person's unwillingness to commit to that person. This is either one person feeling hugely attracted to someone while the other is not as attracted as the other, or it may be two sides that just don't really understand how much one loves the other person. Regardless of whatever kind of relationship you're in, there will be a point where your best efforts to try to win someone's love (or win back someone's love) can all be a losing cause where there is unrequited love involved.


I would like to thank a loyal reader who suggested that I do a topic on unrequited love. I will do my best to talk about this topic in that reader's honor.


MAY 13 2013 - added extra resource

--- Unrequited Love ---

unrequited love (or one-sided love)
^ from: (best picture I could find to represent this post) - Unrequited love- where one's affection for another isn't met with the same level of affection from the other person.

And I quote (taken from Wikipedia):

"Some say that one-sided love is better than none, but like half a loaf of bread, it is likely to grow hard and moldy sooner."

-Eric Berne, Sex in Human Loving (Penguin 1970) p. 130

If you want a fantasy example of unrequited love, some of you may be fans of Pepe Le Pew from the Looney Tunes cartoons. This skunk sees this female cat and pursues her to fall in love with the cat. Of course, this cat has some sort of white streak on her that makes her look like a skunk, but she's a cat. Despite Pepe Le Pew's advances to try to win the cat's heart, the cat keeps drawing Pepe Le Pew away.

Now I feel old. You made me remember watching Looney Tunes. Thanks a bunch! -_-

The main point is that unrequited love can simply be thought of as one-sided love. You love someone, but the other person doesn't share the same loving interest. This leads to trying to do almost anything to win the affection of someone in trying to get the other person to share the same level of devotion and affection as you have for someone.

--- Aspects of Unrequited Love ---

Here are some of the aspects of unrequited love:

Does He/She Really Know?

Imagine a single male for a moment. There is one female for whom he most desires to be with and love for all eternity. There is a problem for this single male. It isn't that the female is taken; but more for the fact that she simply doesn't love him. So basically, a guy could love a girl so much, but the girl either couldn't care less or doesn't want to be with him. But... does she REALLY know how much he wants to be with her?

That's the point of this topic of unrequited love- does the other person know how much he/she really wants to be with someone? This is sometimes what I think about certain people whom matter to me- what would I say, if I could say anything at all, to show how much I love and respect someone? As an example, I sometimes say to people that I'm glad I'm friends with them. I don't need a reason or anything to say something like that. The guy who wants the girl so bad has these thoughts as to why he loves her so much. It all means nothing, though, if the other person couldn't care about your level of devotion and love for someone.

So what's next?

He/She Just is Just Not Into You.

Maybe the one you love most just isn't into you. Do you try harder to win that person's love by performing certain actions, or do you just move on and try to have better luck with someone else? The former doesn't apply if you think that one person whose affection you're trying to win is the ONLY one for you. The latter applies if you think you can do better with someone else than try to waste your time and energy trying to be with someone who simply doesn't love you as much (or at all). It may even be possible for you to change up your image and personality somewhat to better your chances of getting with someone. Even still, this won't guarantee you will win the love of someone.

--- Unrequited Love if Together ---

Maybe unrequited love can occur while two lovers are together. There may be a case where one side isn't as faithful to his/her lover/spouse as the other person. How does one deal?

--- Final Thoughts ---

When it comes to showing your love for someone, it is important for both sides to come together to show unity and happiness. How can two loving partners be together or stay together if one person's bond isn't as strong as the other's bond? One should be able to profess his/her love for someone. If the target of one's affection doesn't approve or acknowledge these professions, then it either means there's no chance of the two coming together, or that someone just doesn't have enough in him/her to love someone else.

Do you move on or try harder to win that person's affection? If you try harder and still fall short, then just let that person go. Get that person out of your life and find someone else instead. Don't run the risk of getting on that person's bad side by continually trying to win the love of someone who clearly doesn't love you at all. It's just not going to work. So it's best to move on if your attempts fall short.

Always remember- "I love you" takes seconds to say, but true love takes a lifetime to show and prove. Don't commit to love if you're not in it for the long haul. That goes for you and your partner.

--- Unrequited Love Resources ---

These may help you out if you want to know more about this kind of love (more may be added in future posts):

How to Handle the Pain of Unrequited Love
Unrequited Love and Lust: When The One You Want Doesn’t Want You Back
How to Deal With Unrequited Love: 9 Steps (WikiHow)

(ADDED: May 13, 2013) "Unrequited Love" (Cupid's Library) « I would personally like to thank Cupid's Library for contacting me and showing me this post from their site.

More may be added in future edits. These are just a start for now.

Please note that when I do these "Love and Relationships" posts, unlike a lot of my other personal sort of material... most of these are based on ideas and thoughts rather than personal experience. I've never done any dating or anything like that. I had to actually do some reading online to discuss unrequited love because I want to make the most professional style blog posts on certain topics. Professionalism and understanding of something are more important to me than making any sort of posts laden with taboo. You expended your energy to search for something useful, and the least I can do is help make your troubles worth your while. So I hope you enjoyed this post of mine. Also note that topics like this can involve MANY kinds of loving relationships. My "Love and Relationships" topics involve heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual relationships.

Do you perhaps have your own take on unrequited love? Don't just read my posts- share your own ideas and commentary based on what you just read! Thank you for reading!

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John B. Marine said...

     Oh look, a post on my entire life, lol! :( Anyone who reads my blog knows way too much about my boy, most of which deal with unrequited love.  The only guys who seem to actually like me are always far away or on the internet or something unfortunate like that.  I've been in love with the same damn boy for the past two (almost 3) years and it kills me.  Especially, when I post a love song intended for him on facebook and he "likes" it, oblivious to the fact that I'm thinking about him (happened today...:( ). He loves music, so I kinda do it on purpose looking for a reason to talk to him...but it never goes the way I wish it would...  Maybe I need to go read those links under resources...! Going to go wallow in my misery now, lol,...Great post as always John, I'm sure the reader who requested this appreciates it, you're a sweetheart! ;)

Principessa Gabriella 

John B. Marine said...

Not that anyone cares, but because of this stupid unrequited love I have for that boy, I might have just unintentionally broken the heart of some other poor sweet guy, and I feel really awful about it...sorry, needed to say/write it somewhere... 

John B. Marine said...

I enjoyed reading this, I have to show this to some close friends of mine! Great advice too!

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