Sunday, October 31, 2010

Same-Sex Relationships

John Marine | 10/31/2010 01:58:00 AM | | | |
(UPDATED: March 14, 2012)

WARNING: This topic may not be suitable for all audiences. Please read at your own discretion, or feel free to read any other blog posts of mine if you are offended by this topic or its subject matter.

A controversial subject is that of same-sex relationships. These vary depending on culture and society. There are some who enjoy the company of being romantically involved with someone of the same gender as much as (or more than) being with an opposite. There are a number of issues involving such relationships. Many of these issues involving same-sex love range from having social connotations to religious connotations. Therefore, some question and debate accepting same-sex relationships. Same-sex bonds are either acknowledged or not acknowledged in many countries (or in certain states and provinces). In some countries, however, homosexual conduct could get you into trouble. You may face penalties for having same-sex relationships. These can range from imprisonment to even the death penalty. In addition to the notion of same-sex relationships, there is also media's portrayal of such relationships which really disregard the seriousness and legitimacy of such relationships.

This blog entry is about same-sex relationships, ranging from casual loving bonds to more romantic bonds. I strongly encourage my readers to help me with certain points regarding my blog, because I am sure I will screw something up. I want my readers to enjoy my blog post as I try to explain everything with professionalism and respect. Please let me know if there are certain parts of this blog post to help make get my facts straight, and I will make the needed changes (as long as they are legit). Having said this... let's begin!

--- Same-Sex Relationships at a Glance ---

In recent times, the issue of gay marriage has been a concern. There have been pushes to legalize gay marriage in the United States and internationally. There are many connotations regarding same-sex relationships, most of which are usually religious. Before you read further, PLEASE note that I am NOT speaking from any kind of personal experience. The majority of what you are about to read relates entirely to thoughts of mine.

What Makes Same-Sex Relationships Appealing?

Being in the company of a partner of your gender lends itself to a different sort of experience. For some who enjoy a same-sex experience, being with someone of your gender can be just as satisfying or more satisfying than always having to be with an opposite. There is one problem that comes into play with same-sex relationships. If you want to have children, that option is eliminated unless you decide to adopt children. Gay adoption of children depends on the rules in your area or country. The problem becomes a bit more magnified if with a transgendered person (or someone you may not know is transgendered in some way).

Is it Ever Okay to Have Romantic Appeal for Someone of the Same Sex?

I am someone who tends to believe that love for a partner is love for a partner regardless of whether it's a heterosexual or homosexual bond. I think the primary point is that you love someone. The key here is on romantic interests. Do you see someone as a soul mate or perhaps someone you can devote your life to with loving care? Even if at the expense of being called any sort of gay slurs, if you are intrigued and influenced by having some sort of same-sex bond, what's holding you back? Don't feel ashamed if someone of your gender who you have with romantic interest.

Regrets and Fears of a Same-Sex Bond.

I hinted on it earlier. You may end up being called all sorts of gay slurs, saying that you're diseased, or anything like that. There are people out there who are no stranger to having loving interest in a partner of one's own gender. Maybe the biggest regret is in being ridiculed for wanting to be with a same-sex partner rather than seek opposites. A bigger regret would be going out in public and being openly gay or lesbian.

Allowing and Recognizing Same-Sex Relationships?

A number of countries legally prohibit any kind of same-sex relationships or acts. Some countries even penalize those who engage in same-sex relationships or acts. Depending on the country and its rules, penalties range from minimal penalties to life in prison to even the death penalty. Many Western Hemisphere countries (including certain states in the United States) recognize and/or allow same-sex relationships. Various European countries (mostly Western Europe and Scandinavian nations) recognize same-sex relationships. Most of Africa disallows same-sex relationships excluding the Republic of South Africa. Most of the Middle East, some Indian Ocean nations, and a few Southeast Asian countries penalize same-sex relationships. All of Australasia accepts same-sex relationships except Papua New Guinea. For my Pacific island readers, there are certain Pacific islands that allow or penalize same-sex relationships.

Are Same-Sex Relationships Better?

It depends on you and your interests. Some people probably become so tired or discontent trying to be with opposite partners that they seek companionship with a same-sex partner. Some find greater satisfaction with a same-sex partner rather than being with an opposite. This is a question you'll need to answer for yourself.

Now that you have some perspective from me, let's get right into the main point of this post. How about a closer look at each bond? These sections are all commentary pieces regarding various same-sex relationships.

--- Same-Sex Relationships: Gay Relationships ---

gay love couple
^ from: - a gay couple.

This section relates to two males being together. Speaking as a male, there are plenty of my own males who would cringe on the notion of two men together and in love. Heterosexual males would rather see two girls kissing than two guys kissing. Gay couples usually want to be with males rather than being with a female. One of the most common relationships among men is the so-called "bromance," whereas two straight males have a casual, tight-knit bond. Bromances do not involve any kind of sexual contact. That's bromance, but what about more romantic bonds between two men?

Gay Relationships Defined.

A real gay relationship involves a romantic bond between two males. It is where two males find something to love with each other and want to be romantically involved together. Their interests and tastes are just as much as a heterosexual couple wanting to be with each other. They still share the same want and desire to be with one another. Trouble is, many in mainstream would cringe over the sight of two males romantically involved. What many fail to realize is that love is love, even in the case of two males who love each other. There is a certain passion between two gay males that is about as similar as any hetero relationship. It's about finding someone who makes you feel happy and complete- even if it's another male. There is no shame in two males in love with each other. Even if most of society cringes at the notion of two males together and in love, at least two males found love and are happy together. Why ruin others' happiness, especially if they've done nothing to harm you?

I am probably taking this neutral side because I've known a few openly gay males before, and there have been males who feel happier with other males rather than among females. How far certain gay males want to have a relationship depends. Such bonds can range from casual love for one another to deep romantic involvement (including sex). If two gay males want to have a family of their own, the issue of gay adoption comes into play. This, like most other LGBT issues, has its fair share of endless debate and controversy.

--- Same-Sex Relationships: Lesbian Relationships ---

lesbian love couple
^ from: - a newlywed lesbian couple.

Love between two females is lesbian love. This is where females are romantically (and even sexually) attracted to each other. They prefer the compassion of another female rather than the compassion of a man. For some lesbian females, they just feel happier and more comfortable in love with a woman than being with a man. For some other lesbians, they are more attracted to females after having bad luck dating and keeping men. Such females just feel that romantically being with a male just doesn't equate to much happiness personally and sexually.

While many males love seeing two women kiss and be romantically involved, there are not as many who actually acknowledge love between two lesbian partners. Many just think it is a cheap sexual thrill to see two women kissing or getting intimate with each other. Lesbian love is not all about two attractive females deeply in love with each other. As much as there are women who are sexy and attractive, you have butch lesbians who are androgynous females who appear and act very masculine in appearance. These are lesbians with an androgynous boyish appearance. So lesbian love is not always about two sexy and attractive females.

Back to the glorification of lesbians for a moment...

Fetishization of Lesbian Love.

Many perverted males love the sight of two women kissing or engaging in intercourse. Not as many, however, appreciate two females in love with each other. It's like we romanticize and fetishize the notion of two females in love with each other (or even cheek kissing), but don't really regard or recognize two lesbian women in love with each other. On Facebook, I am friends with a girl who is married to another girl.

This goes to show how much we've glorified and fetishized the thought of two women kissing each other, but not as many regard or acknowledge trying to make a lesbian relationship. Most (usually heterosexual males) love the idea of two incredibly attractive [preferably] young ladies together in love and kissing, but don't think about such a couple trying to stay together for so long. There are two things to express reality- not every lesbian couple is a pair of 18 to 21 year old college coeds that are ridiculously sexy and attractive. Also, those seriously into lesbian relationships usually want a lasting relationship with another woman and don't want to by with a guy.

Actually Acknowledging and Respecting Lesbian Love.

I am one of the few people who actually acknowledges a lesbian relationship as a serious relationship between two women rather than some cheap sexual thrill. Strange I take this side, but I sometimes think mainstream media makes too much of two females together as something sexy or cool. Hardly anyone really seems to acknowledge the notion of a lesbian couple truly in love. Media is readily available to make two females kissing seem fun and erotic, yet not as many regard two females totally in love with each other and are happier together than with either lesbian wanting to be with a man. Maybe there are those who have had tough luck being with men and want to love other females instead. Whatever the case, a lesbian couple is as much in love with each other as any hetero couple.

Of Lesbian Love and Children.

One last note... In some circumstances, lesbians may want to have children. I didn't know that a lesbian couple can get pregnant. I won't get into too many details, but the non-medical way I can discuss is that some lesbians adopt children. There are other medical ways lesbians have children (artificial insemination, for example), so you'll have to look that up online.

--- Same Sex Relationships: Bisexual Relationships ---

bisexual love
^ from: - Do you want to be with a guy or a girl? A bisexual would say, "either... or both!"

By design, bisexuals have the best chance at finding love because they can love someone of their opposite gender or seek the compassion of same-gender love. Bisexuals feel as happy with a same-sex partner as they would with an opposite-sex partner. Romantic bisexuals would lovingly and passionately kiss (and be kissed) by a same-sex partner as they would with/by an opposite-sex partner. If you believe this, then there is almost no reason for a bisexual to be single.

Bisexual by Definition.

Bisexual people equally appreciate the romantic company of both males and females. Some are completely open to bisexual relationships while some are bi-curious. Those who are bi-curious are happy being romantically aroused by opposites, but often times question or speculate being being with a partner of the same sex. So in the case of a male, the male would want to be with a female, but becomes curious being with a male partner. In a deal like this, it's more about finding whomever makes you feel more comfortable and happy, be it with your opposite or someone of your gender. Are you seeking long-distance or short-term? Are you possibly considering being with someone of the same sex as an experiment or want to know what it would be like to be in love with someone of your gender?

Bi-curious Urges.

Some people into opposite-sex partners sometimes want to test the waters of being with a same-sex partner. If a male in his early 20s loves women, then a bi-curious male would want to sample being with a male partner. Someone who is bi-curious loves someone of the opposite gender, but would at least want to experiment being romantically involved with a same-sex partner.

That is the real key in being bi-curious: are you willing to become romantically involved with a same-sex partner as you would an opposite-sex partner? Please note that I said "romantically" involved. It doesn't mean you have to be involved in sexual contact with a partner to be romantically involved. Passionate kissing and hugging is just enough to equal a romantic bond.

How do such urges develop? If you become as attracted to a same-sex partner as you would an opposite-sex partner, then you certainly start to grow bisexual urges. It is perfectly fine to regard someone of your own gender as beautiful or handsome. However, if you feel a sexual or romantic attraction to someone so beautiful/handsome, you tend to envision having a same-sex affair with that person. Let's look at this in two different ways.

• If you are a male: are you attracted at the image of a male with a muscular body as you would the body of a sexy woman?

• If you are a female: do you become attracted at the image of a woman with sexy legs in a mini skirt as you would a muscular and handsome male in swimming bottoms?

For both: if you are attracted to someone of your own gender as you would someone from your opposite, are you romantically and/or sexually attracted to that person? Or would you be romantically/sexually attracted to that person?

Some people are probably just so attractive that you want to be with that person regardless of that person's gender.

Naturally Bisexual?

Some people tend to believe females are more naturally bisexual than males. Even straight females consider other females amazingly beautiful. Some other people believe males and females are equally bisexual; just that most males are not as readily able to admit and accept having such romantic tendencies and feelings towards other males. And then, a lot of people in society have praised and embraced the bisexual female more than the bisexual male.

Bisexualism in the Media.

Tila Tequila bisexual
^ from: - Tila Nguyen (better known as Tila Tequila) and "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" offered males, as well as females, a chance to hook up with her in her MTV reality TV series.

One of the biggest media depictions of bisexuality was when "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" series showcased the Asian hottie showcase her bisexuality. That's for guys (and gals) to have a chance at being with Tila Nguyen (better known as Tila Tequila) back when this series aired on MTV.

--- Same Sex Relationships: Transgender and Intersexed Relationships ---

(NOTE: The majority of this will be about a male being with a transwoman, but this can also apply to a female with a transman, or either a male or female being with a transgendered or intersexed person.)

Being with a transgendered person is the best of both worlds. You get to be with someone who is both male and female. It is important that I mention that while "transgender" is an umbrella term, there are different kinds of transgendered folk. You have transvestites (crossdressers) who love dressing as and acting as their opposites, but do not seek surgery to become full-time members of the opposite sex. You also have transsexuals who have surgery done to become full-time members of the person's opposite sex. They can be pre-operative (or simply "pre-op") transsexuals who are still transitioning between sexes, or they can be post-operative (or "post-op") transsexuals who have had all the transitioning done and are permanently of the opposite gender. For some people, a relationship with a transgendered person allows you to be with an opposite-sex partner despite the fact the transgendered partner was born of the same sex.

What about intersexed people? Intersexed people (or hermaphrodites) were born with both male and female organs. Many people like to make the misconception that transgendered people are intersexed. That is completely untrue. Loving someone who is intersexed carries about the same weight as being with a transgendered person. Or look at it this way- you have to have transition between genders to be transgendered. If you were (to quote Lady GaGa) "born this way" as someone with both male and female organs, you are interesexed.

"Am I Gay if I Love/Date Transsexuals?"

I think this depends on your own ideas. Do you still love being with opposite-sex partners, but fancy a partner who is transgendered? Are you attracted to (as a male) a genetic female as you are a transgendered female?

For some males into transgendered women, they are attracted to such transwomen, especially those who still have (certain genitalia) attached. What becomes a problem sometimes is when a transgendered person doesn't disclose his/her sexual identity to their partners, especially when one is unaware of one's birth gender. So you may be dating a girl who is transgendered and not even know it! Some transgendered folk can be so passable (meaning they easily are recognized and accepted as their opposite gender) that it's difficult to realize their birth gender.

If you fear being considered gay just because you fancy transgendered partners, I don't think you are gay just because you love or date transsexuals. I think you become truly gay if you completely do not want to be with someone of the opposite sex and born of the opposite sex. A male who'd rather be romantically involved with men or transgendered woman and not with genetic women is gay (or at least bisexual). At least, this is my view.

Transsexual Dating.

A long time ago on YouTube, I saw a video of a German man named Peter Neunteufel, the publisher of a German language publication in Thailand called Thai Fokus. He is the boyfriend of a Thai ladyboy named Tai. Despite the fact Tai is transsexual, Peter says he found the perfect woman. One thing he made note of was that you don't run the prospect of getting a transwoman pregnant since transwomen weren't born female. One of the biggest causes for concern is when a transgendered person doesn't disclose he/she was born the opposite gender. A person who may be in love with someone who doesn't know he/she is transgendered and wants to start a family with that transgendered person, may not be able to start a family of their own because the transgendered person can not give birth to children. Peter then goes on talking more about how his transsexual girlfriend is a real woman to him despite the fact his transwoman girlfriend isn't a genetic female. Tai herself mentions how even though Peter is a bit older than her father, Peter still takes great care of Tai and treats her right. Peter even says he is like a father to her. At the time the video was recorded (uploaded on May 11, 2008; or at least uploaded to YouTube), Peter wanted to marry Tai. This isn't so easy to legally marry a ladyboy because even if Tai had sex-changing surgery, she is still legally considered male if the two got married in Germany. Considering this is in Thailand, they could only be legally married in a Buddhist ceremony. A divorce in Thailand would basically bring her back to Bangkok or Pattaya's red-light district. This district is famous for ladyboys walking the streets and living among themselves. Here was a comment I posted on this YouTube video:

"It's okay to dislike either or both people in this video. Thing is, they are still human at the end of the day. Even though Tai here is a ladyboy (male-to-female transgender or transsexual), you have? to admit- she's lovely. But come on now. Peter probably knows she's not a real woman, but he's happy being with her. Love is genderless even if your views on transgendered folk are purely negative."
-JohnMarineTube (me)

Transsexual Dating: The Trap Factor.

Here is another case of transsexual dating. In another YouTube video I saw, it was an episode of The Jerry Springer Show with the episode called "Transsexual Takedown." A beautiful young lady named Selina confessed to Lee (her boyfriend) that Selina was born a man. The boyfriend, who has four kids of his own, felt totally embarrassed that he's been dating a transsexual. He left the stage quietly in disgust and in disbelief. Lee was perfectly convinced that Selina was a real woman. Then when appearing back on stage, Lee was absolutely furious and upset that Selina didn't tell him that she is not a real woman. Lee later said to Jerry Springer that he is not gay. This man was in love with the transwoman Selina and wanted to start a family and devote his life to her. Selina still wanted to earn Lee's trust by saying she is still the same person within even though she was born a man. When I first saw this episode, Selina looks and said VERY feminine; almost impossible to tell (or even care) that Selina is not a real woman. If you want to see the episode I am referring to, here is a video for you to see: Jerry Springer - Transsexual Takedown part 1 (mildly not be safe for work).

Dating a transgendered or intersexed person can be great challenge for more reasons than one. The more common case is with a straight man trying to date a transgendered person (or a woman the man doesn't know is transgendered). Only so few tend to appreciate the true beauty and personality of someone. However, not disclosing that a transgendered person is transgendered could lead to complications down the road of a relationship (or one being developed).

So do you fancy being with a transgendered partner?

But wait, there's more! Read on after the break to see more on this topic!

--- Romanticizing Same-Sex Relationships ---

two girls kissing
^ from: - Intimacy among two females often makes for sexual arousal and entertainment when portrayed in media.

The media has done its fair share of work to make same-sex relationships and same-sex moments so acceptable and marketable. For one thing, media has done a lot to make such moments marketable and entertaining. You sometimes have these "lesbian moments" where two females kiss each other (even if casually).

Homoerotic Impact.

One time taking British Literature back in 2007, I had to read or do this story involving two boys engaged with each other in homoerotic fashion. There have been certain literary works dealing and dabbling with homoerotic themes. There are also certain awkward situations where we face some kind of same-sex encounter. I remember reading online once involving a woman having her first lesbian encounter at a clothing store or someplace. One thing to note is that same-sex encounters don't have to be anything erotic, it can be some awkward or unexpected moment that draws certain amounts of arousal. It could be an intimate encounter that is totally unexpected.

Media Portrayal of Same-Sex Relationships.

Likely "for ratings," media tends to glorify two lesbians in love, usually for arousal and entertainment. Heterosexual males are usually drawn to the attraction of two females kissing each other. And when you usually see two females kissing each other, they are usually two extremely attractive females between the ages of about 18-25. Are all lesbians sexy 18-25 year olds? No. What about the marriage between Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, for example? I mean, most mainstream people think of THIS as being the only kind of lesbian relationship worth glorifying:

lesbian kiss
^ original credit from: PINKBELL fooyoh - "The Kiss," from Tanya Chalkin.

While lesbians are two women in love with each other, people usually imagine two incredibly sexy and attractive young women having steamy sex and kissing. Perhaps a curious case of LGBT dating was in the ABC series (that I've never seen), "Dirty Sexy Money" with transsexual actress Candis Cayne playing as one character's girlfriend. There were also shows such as "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," which I have also haven't seen.

--- Same-Sex Relationships: When it All Goes Wrong ---

same-sex domestic abuse
^ from: - If you think domestic abuse isn't a problem among same-sex couples, think again.

So you think that same-sex relationships are all happy and care-free? Well, think again! Domestic disputes can happen amongst gay couples as much as any straight couple. If you are in a relationship with someone, the best... and the absolute worst can happen when two parties aren't happy with each other.

Hey... domestic violence among a same-sex or bisexual couple is as serious and intense of an issue as domestic violence between a heterosexual couple. So if you get abused in a same-sex relationship, it's best you find some help or counseling either from friends or from licensed counselors.

--- Same-Sex Relationship Resources ---

This is a variety of online resources to help you if you are considering or trying to maintain a same-sex relationship. All resources are based on material I have found online for you relevant to this blog topic. So feel free to have a look at what all I have to offer for you in case you are interested or want more information:

General Resources.

Gay Life on
Gay Life for LGBT teenagers on
Lesbian Life on
Gay Dating Advice on
Gay Dating Tips (a Blogger/Blogspot-powered site!) - Dating Resources - Various gay resources - various lesbian resources - various bisexual resources, including dating advice
Bisexual and Lesbian Dating Tips on
OkCupid's "Could you date a transsexual?" test
Laura's Playground TS/TG/TV/CD dating resources

Basic Resources (Houston/Galveston area).

This section is exclusively for all my people in the greater Houston/Galveston area. If you live in this area and want to find some online resources in same-sex relationships, allow me to find some material for you online. I can't find too many resources for Galveston folk, so most of what you will see here will relate mostly to Houston. Here are some resources for you relevant to this topic:

Gay Houston - Gay and lesbian resources for Houston.
Gay and Lesbian Switchboard Houston - various resources for LGBT folk in the Houston area, including a hotline.
Houston Gay Web
Houston Original Gay Guide - various online resources for Houston-area LGBT folk.
one Good Love, Houston - a dating social network for gay and lesbian dating.
Gay and Lesbian Yellow Pages, Houston

Outsmart Magazine - Houston's premier gay publication, complete with more resources for LGBT folk. You can also link to this magazine via their Facebook fan page and their Twitter feed. Links to both are included with the link to Outsmart Magazine.

LGBT Domestic Violence Resources.

These resources are important if you want to learn more about violence among LGBT couples.

An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection on Gay and Lesbian Relationships - includes links to other relevant resources.
Media Awareness Network - Portrayals of Gays and Lesbians (includes other links to check out)
Same Sex Partner Abuse Links, from
• • - a useful American resource including information regarding abuse among LGBT relationships.

More resources could be added in future edits (as always).

--- If You Are Among the LGBT Folk Reading This Blog Post... ---

If you are among the people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, intersexed, or whatever... I hope you enjoyed what you read here. I have really worked to make this topic both educational and insightful. I continue to try to make topics and make commentary of professional quality.

I know I've probably missed some important points or missed some facts. If I have, this is where I look to you to provide me corrections to my material. The reason why I ask for your support is because I want my readers to enjoy what they read and come away with some sort of satisfaction for my work. That is what has helped establish the character of my blog. To maintain this character, I need the support of readers like you to help to push my blog further into the future while also continually providing great content across multiple topics. If you want to help me out, please tell me what corrections I need to make in a non-threatening, non-sarcastic manner. In other words, don't send personal attacks or spam in attempting to tell me what corrections I need to make.

Regardless, I thank all of you at least hitting this blog post. I hope my efforts to discuss this topic were to your liking.

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John B. Marine said...

Hello John,

You have a very interesting site here. Hope you can visit mine too and be one of our constant readers. We discuss also anything about life, relationships, etc.


John B. Marine said...

What a fantastic blog post! You come across as such an open-minded, sincere individual. Thank you for taking the time to write this.

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