Thursday, September 20, 2012

Love and Weight

John Marine | 9/20/2012 04:20:00 PM | | | |
More weight, less love? Can you really love someone less because of their weight or because of one gaining weight? Must we be slim and slender to keep loved ones to continue to love us? Is it even possible to unconditionally love someone who may be overweight, obese, or have a little fat? For some people, gaining weight and being around others leads to an overall lack of being loved. Never mind the good and bad qualities of others. To some- if you're overweight or gaining weight, one of two things could happen: you'll be loved less by others, and you'll probably die quicker. One of the factors of weight gain is depression. You begin to hate yourself more just because you've gained weight and feel terrible often times. The more you try to fight it off, the more you end up feeling more and more depressed; and some people will not like you as much. This ends up being a vicious cycle that leads to you being more disappointed in yourself and feeling unloved. So let me ask again- more weight, less love?





--- Love and Weight ---

How about some individual topics on this matter?


Love and Weight: Friendships and Relationships.

love and weight
^ from: www.datingish.com, by way of Xanga - Can you love someone less or be less romantic with someone just because of their weight?

Maybe I watch a bit too much daytime TV, but I've seen shows where certain overweight women are cheated on by their men because of the weight women have gained. It is almost like a female is supposed to have a perfect bikini body all the time to remain being loved by others, or a male to be hunky and muscular. It is one thing to complain about someone for being lazy or not being outgoing, but it is really sad how you can not love somebody as much on the merits of being even slightly overweight or having even just a little extra body fat.


Love and Weight: Among Family.

If being talked about your weight is among your family, that is even worse than any other relationship. Your family are usually your closest friends and biggest supporters; and if even they are harming you about your weight, it is absolutely damaging and damning. No worse feeling in the world than feeling like your own family doesn't love you. I've heard of family members who pressure their overweight or obese children to lose weight, sometimes to extreme degrees. The feeling is just a no-win situation. A child or children is/are just going to be screwed for some time.


Love and Weight: Damage in Disguise.

Even worse than heckling someone for their weight is talking about them in a negative way (or a way that is inherently negative). For example- "I love you, but you're getting just a little fat." Someone may take it the wrong way and feel personally disappointed that one's size or weight supersedes one's qualities and personality according to somebody else. You may think you are encouraging someone to look out for their weight more. On the other hand, you may be making one's weight issues feel even worse, leading to him/her becoming even more depressed and unhappy with his/her appearance. I have never told anyone that they should lose weight. The decision to lose weight and the desire to lose weight should be among that one individual- not anyone else. If losing weight helps to get someone to be loved better, then so be it.


So let me go back to the original question I posed...



--- Can One Be Loved Less Because of Weight? ---

Even still, you can't use one's size to determine who should be loved and who should be heckled severely. Making negative references to peoples' weight only brings them down and ruins their confidence. You can't love somebody less for their weight or because of gaining weight. I have known a number of people whom I love and respect even if they aren't slim and slender. You can even read my posts on plus size fashion and on plus size beauties- one's size or weight should have nothing to do with loving someone more or less. There are some who prefer being with heavier people, but a real person can look within one's size/weight and love someone for their inner beauty and inner personality. This is just the sad reality- being heavy means you are loved less. An overweight or obese person still needs love and support each day to prevent from being depressed. Making certain references to weight or size can further depress a person rather than help him/her to lose weight (if he/she wants to lose weight).

Love someone for their personality and charm; not their weight. Hate somebody for whatever reason. Just don't base your like or dislike of someone just on someone's weight.





--- Resources ---

It can be hurtful to have to deal with being unloved just because of size or weight. To help you deal with this, I have found some resources online that might help you cope. Feel free to look at these resources to help better understand the main points expressed in this blog post:

"Too fat to love? When weight gain is a turnoff" - MSNBC
National Eating Disorder Information Centre - Know the Facts
"Because You Just Can't Love a Fat Girl" - A Merry Life Weight Loss Blog
"Can Gaining Weight Affect Relationships?" - Lovepanky
"I think I'm ugly, overweight, unloved, and I get picked on all the time." - Six Billion Secrets
"having trouble adjusting to being overweight and unloved" - CafeMom
"Feeling Ugly and Unloved- The image in the mirror" - SloppyNoodle.com
"Help! I'm No Longer Attracted to My Overweight Spouse" - Beam Research Center
"I Am Unloved" - Experience Project
"Most Parents of Overweight Kids Don't Hear It from the Doctor" - Healthland time.com
"Parents hate harsh new anti-obesity ads showing depressed kids" - Nerve
"When Children Hate Their Bodies" - Radiance Magazine
"To the people who judge parents who have fat kids" - Scary Mommy

If I find any more resources, I will update this blog post with more material.





What do you think about loving or hating someone- friends, family, lovers, etc.- just because of their weight? Share your mind here and thanks for reading!

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4 comments:

John Marine said...

Great post John! And I agree. I don't see people on their weight... I could care less what size they wear. A beautiful person is a beautiful person, there's no asterisk next that on whether or not they are big or small.


xo, Yi-chia

John Marine said...

I didn't shock anymore seeing a fat person they are just normally like that... My friend gain weight nor you can't control it. As long she/ he has a good heart and friendly....

John Marine said...

This is one of those touchy subjects, so kudos for bringing it up. While a person's weight doesn't impact my opinion of them, it certainly does affect their treatment in everyday life, which is sad. I wish people could learn to get along. The world would be a happier place.


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John Marine said...

I'm glad you addressed this issue. It's so sad that people are treated differently just because of their size. Though those who love an overweight person want him/her to be healthy they should not haggle the person constantly. Another great post!

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